Challenging Common Sense

When I first heard the phrase, "The whole is equal to the sum of its parts" in Geometry class, it seemed so common-sensical, I wondered why anyone would need to explicitly state it. Few years later, I studied a different version of it as a concept under Gestalt Psychology, "The whole is greater than the sum of its parts." This went against simple mathematical logic but on studying it theoretically, I understood the depth of meaning it held. And when I began to see how it's a principle I've learned to use to cope with stressors, it seems like a wonderful philosophy!

This moment of insight occured during a casual conversation that went like this:
Friend: How do you let go so fast?
Me: I tell my brain what to think.
Friend: So your brain tells your brain what to think?
Me: No, I tell my brain what to think. Because my brain is just a part of me *cue: ah-ha moment* and the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

This got me thinking further. We have several thoughts running through our minds and various emotions we experience through the day. We make decisions, some good, others not-so-good. We work, we play, we build relationships, we break relationships. And what we ultimately are is a sum total of all these experiences we've had (along with our genetic, physical and psychological make-up), right? Wrong; because we're humans, not machines. The different parts don't simply come together to make us who we are. They interact with each other in unique, dynamic ways. And these interactions between the various "parts" of us, add more to our existence. And that it why the whole is greater than merely the sum of its parts.

Back to using it to cope, I remind myself that I am bigger and stronger than these parts that seem to sometimes overpower me. If there are upsetting thoughts distracting me, I can control them. If I'm in a bad mood, I can change it. If I'm heartbroken (lol), I still have lots of other parts functioning just fine. I am a bigger whole and do not need to be threatened by a small part that's giving me a hard time. My heart is just one part of who I am, so is my brain and so is everything else. Even if all of them put together, decide to ruin my day, they can not (until I permit them), because I am greater, more powerful than any of these individually or combined.

Your brain is just one part of you. Don't let it enslave you. YOU tell your brain what to think, don't let it feed you thoughts. You decide what you want it to think. Don't forget who the master is!

-Aditi

How to say no: Learn from CERN

It was a beautiful day. With an unspoken three-days-off from college since Wednesday, we were all studying (read: gathering the syllabus) for our term tests starting on Monday. The sunny afternoon was replaced by a steady breeze with a cloudy sky, and my sister and I slept for five hours and three hours respectively. My grandmother made golpapdi for no reason at all, which is soft when hot, and melts in your mouth making you gobble multiple pieces till you can't have any dinner.

Like I said before, it was a beautiful day.

And after my dinner, and a casual scroll of facebook, I got a notification on my work e-mail. It was from CERN's OpenLab program. Here's what the e-mail looked like!

"The selection procedure is now over, and your application has been selected as a reserve at this stage"

They had selected me as a reserve and I was super happy, shouting at my mom asking her to guess what just happened, and calling up my friend as well. It didn't matter if no student cancelled but OH MY GOD THEY CARED ENOUGH TO PUT ME ON HOLD INSTEAD OF CUTTING THE CALL ON MY FACE. THIS IS SO COOL. How is it even possible!!!

Then another friend who had applied called me up telling me he got the same thing.
ooops is something wrong?
And I called another who read she did too.
please let her be the last
And a third called me up for Systems Programming notes and casually asked whether my email said the same.
okay this was definitely sent to everyone
And a fourth texted saying she got the same as well.

....You get the idea. Turns out everyone was "reserved". :')

And to be honest, it's a genius move, because if I didn't know anyone else who applied, it would have left me feeling really good about myself. I was still laughing at the end of all the calls, because it is a really frustrating yet nice way to say no. It's frustrating because they have still kept that strand of hope without killing it (although you would be a little stupid to cling on to it because who rejects an internship like this?), and nice because it doesn't give the vibe of rejection.

Saying no these days is difficult. Will you come under your house for thirty minutes to chill? Is it possible for you to fill up and get your football, along with two tubs of ice cream for our trip the next day? Can you make notes for this subject? Add the panic-filled call two days before a friend of mine gives their GRE. 

And as much as I love helping the world, and meeting my friends especially when they offer to come under my house, sometimes I just can't. In taking care of others, and making sure I give them everything I can ensuring that no one feels bad, I stop caring about myself. And end up overworked, overexhausted, and sleep deprived.

Sometimes when you say no, people get offended. So to say it in a way that they actually feel good or happy about it is a task. But with practise, you can actually get pretty good at it.

"It's so nice that you guys are coming all the way but it really isn't possible today. Thanks a lot for thinking about me." is one way. "I can't get the football but maybe person X can. I'll ask him." and pass it on.

Showing gratitude, suggesting another person for the same, or doing whatever little is in your capacity and letting the other person know that, without crumbling under pressure are the best things you can do.

Say no gracefully,
(^^Not to this)
Kanksha :)