The Roommate Rulebook

Finding a roommate is like an arranged marriage. There are compatibility checks, background checks, and personal questions asked directly to someone you probably never would have otherwise.  It starts with a message, escalates to a call in a couple of days, and to meeting up. Fast forward a few months and you are sharing a home. Woah.

With my limited month-ful of experience, I realised there are certain decisions we all have to take and certain conversations that we all have to have. And while I was going through this process, I asked people a bunch of questions and thought about a lot of things. So I'm writing this to make my life easier (my roommates will also see this: hi guys!), and even yours (because you can should share this with your roommates telling them you think you guys should follow them easy-peasy gone is the awkward conversation) Oh what nice publicity I will get :P

Jokes apart...

Money money money 
The first thing you need to be clear about is your budget. Finances are tricky. Apartments are expensive. Know how much your cap amount is. Discuss it with your parents.
When you are looking for roommates, look for people who have a similar budget. This will make the process of finding apartments much easier since elimination due to the budget will become infrequent. Compromising at the end of the day due to largely different budgets that your roommates have, is something you could possibly resent them for (even if the compromise was your decision).

Eating habits, smoking, and drinking
Since you are living with this person, you want to make sure you are comfortable with their lifestyle, and they are with yours. Eating habits often become a deal breaker for vegetarians. A sweet in between could be if nonvegetarian people do not cook meat at home, and store meat in closed containers when they order it from outside. Again, maybe some people would not be okay with calling for nonvegetarian food at home in the first place. Likewise, there are lots of grey areas. I'm okay if you drink, as long as you can take care of yourself. I'm okay if you smoke, as long as you don't in the house.
For most people, these things are black or white. But due to factors like friendships, or belonging to the same city, the same people begin considering the grey. My suggestion is that if you do, be very specific and clear from day one about what works for you and what doesn't.

CLEANLINESS: leave a place how you would like it to be left to you

BUT I JUST WANT TO LAY DOWN TOO SO CAN WE COOPERATE? THANKS.

This is super important to me. I may not be super regular with stuff at home, but I know I could not survive in a messy environment. Enforcing rules of cleanliness is tough without offending another person. Here are some I have thought of.

In the kitchen

1. Wash vessels in real time. It takes two minutes. Really. This way you won't get attacked by cockroaches one fine day when you grab a glass of water at midnight.
2. When you are done cooking, clear the counter. Put things back. Clean the platform like it was before.
3. Clean the sink and remove food from the net that's stopping it from draining away with the water.  

In the bathroom:

1. There is a wet area. That is where you have a bath. There is a dry area. That is generally where you emit bodily fluids. Keep the dry area dry. You don't want water on your feet every time you step in. (This is sometimes not obvious in India, because the area is the same. That is not the case there. There will be some partition between the two.)
2. Girls especially, when you wash your hair, make sure you pick it up with a designmated toothbrush at the end and throw it in the trash. That will keep the bathing area clean.
3. If there is a bucket you are using, flip it over once done to remove the excess water. Keep it flipped over if you want, no harm.
4. Keep the sink clean after you use it. 

General:

1. Have trash days or weeks assigned to a person. Basically designate how you're splitting taking the trash out so some people don't always have to do it.
2. If you're sharing milk and other basic food products that are cheaper if you buy greater quantities, create a system for that too. 

Roommates or Flatmates? 
This is very subjective. We all start off and continue to want our own room and bathroom. But here is where your budget plays a major role. You will realise that the average price for a house you want, and we'll get to what to keep in mind while looking for a house later, will be X for sharing rooms and bathroom, Y for individual rooms and sharing a bathroom, and Z for individual room and bath. At Atlanta, it's 550, 700, and 1000 dollars per month respectively. You are going to have to stick to your budget. So this choice becomes easy. Because it really isn't much of a choice unless you let go of some other stuff. Keep reading.

Does it matter whether my roommates are from the same course as me? 
Yes, and no. It may help if you have group projects and you get along with them. It may help if you are stuck somewhere (but I question how many people would ask their roommate for academic help). I mean it really may help.
But there's a flip side if you just want to come home to peace. If you don't want there to be any bad blood or competition. If you don't want to be living and working with the same people. None of this will necessarily happen, I'm just talking about the possibilities.
I'll be living with one person from my course, and two from others. And I think that's a pretty sweet combination.

Does their place of origin matter?
Another important thing would be that people from the same place you come from, would probably be the ones you would get along with better. So yes, it does. There's a connection that you share. Of course there are exceptions. But reaching out to people from the same city would be a good idea because you even get a chance to meet them in person that way.

2 people? 3 people? 4 people? More people? 
I was very excited at the thought of 2 people in an apartment. Easy management. Simple life. But the girl I was talking told me she planned to come back to India in January for some work for half a month, and I realised I didn't want to be alone. So 2 could get lonely. But otherwise pretty sorted.
With three people, it's great if you're all friends. It's not as much as four, but 2/3 people being at home has a higher possibility. The downside of this is that 2/3 people might get along more. And one person may feel a little out of place. This doesn't seem reason enough to not go with 3. I'm just putting it out there though.
4 is sweet. It's okay if there are two pairs of 2, but it'd be amazing if all 4 got along. There's a higher chance you'll get along with 1-2 people, so lower chances of feeling left out. But while more the merrier, more the crowd too.
More than 4 I have not thought about. If you have views, I would like to know!

How do I choose my house? 
My priorities were safety, proximity to the university (has to be within a mile and walking distance), and the presence of a grocery store nearby. Everyone has their own list. Since safety is one of the common concern, safe apartment complexes tend to be more expensive. For example, in a relatively unsafe area, I could get my own room for 500 dollars too. So you will have to pick your priorities and decide what matters most to you. My aim is to expose you to all the things that could matter. Maybe your priority is having your own room. Maybe it is having good amenities in the building. It could be important for you to have a good parking space. Or an inbuilt washer dryer. Or an air conditioner or elevator. I don't know. Figure it out.

Should I take the living room? 
I like the idea of having a common space between three or four or more people. But maybe converting the living room is much cheaper or feasible. Here are the things you should keep in mind:

1. Your flatmates will cook in the kitchen. There will be noise, even if they are being considerate. Let them know they will have to be considerate. 
2. You will have to look for a partition. This could be a Chinese curtain, or a huge cupboard maybe, or a mix of both. But this is your lookout, your hassle, and your investment. 
3. You may or may not have your own cupboard. You may have to share a bathroom and/or cupboard with someone. Both parties need to be okay with this. This also means that the person who has a room and is sharing cupboard space and bathroom space with you may have to keep the door open at most times, or at least have an open door policy with the person living in the hall specifically. Discuss this openly. Check who you are most comfortable sharing space with.

Irrespective of whether YOU live in the living room or not, understand that no common space means there's no place for everyone to hang out together if they want to. You can't chill with a bunch or a couple of friends, in case that is something you are used to back at home. This sounds a bit sad to me, even if people aren't going to hang out often at all.

Sleep timings also come under lifestyle, right? So if I'm sharing rooms with someone, how could this affect me? 
I guess again there needs to be an understanding that alarms are going to ring at awkward timings. And the other person will have to push themselves to wake up quickly.
But beyond that, if you guys have a common space (assuming you do if you are sharing rooms), then you could have a rule where each person studies in the living area if the roommate is sleeping. This is easily workable, and clashing schedules would not, as far as I can imagine, affect you negatively.

A general suggestion is that be clear about what stuff is yours, and if someone wants something, they should ask you before taking it. And return it back. I have heard multiple instances of people not able to express this, and facing trouble confronting their roommates about it later on.
And it's important to have friends other than your roommates as well. But this probably would come under another post which I may or may not write in the future.

Yepp, summarising.

1. You need to be clear about what you want.
2. Then you need to be able to communicate it with your roommates.

If you realise they are not understanding of your needs initially, feel glad that you realised at the beginning, and look for new people. It's okay if you don't find them in the first or second go. Be patient. There are lots of people.

So yeah, have difficult discussions. Be open to what others are saying and keep thinking about what works best for YOU. Continue to communicate openly.

And if you can't...

Good luck if you're on your own roommate or house hunt!
Kanksha <3

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A SMALL NOTE

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I find it funny how I wrote this post and I haven't even lived by myself yet. But this advice is a compilation of things I have read, things my mom has told me, stuff that my seniors have passed on, things from discussions I've had with my friends, and arguments with my head when I had to make these decisions too. 

I had the time to put it down, and the inclination so I went ahead. I hope it helps. I know it doesn't give you concrete answers, but it delineates the possibilities that should help you make informed decisions.

If there's something you think I could add, mention it in the comments and I'll append it to the post! More information is always welcome. 

The twenties screw us over

(I HIGHLY RECOMMEND listening to the above while reading below for the full effect. highly highly highly recommend. So please listen and read along, thanks!!)

I am twenty-one years old. Eventually I will be twenty-two.
And because some of my friends are twenty-two already, it feels great to be so young.

There are some people like Aditi who probably even feel happy that they're a year older - at least their maturity matches their age more than it did before. And then there are those who go through a mid-life crisis like most nineteen-year-olds do - I DO NOT WANT TO STOP BEING A TEENAGER. BEING TWENTY-SOMETHING JUST SOUNDS SO OLD ARRGGHH. And at first glance, you might not understand why a body-changing, core beliefs challenging, and uncertainty inducing dynamic is one that a person would miss. It generates rebels and copy-cats, and is a generation of people trying to understand who they are. Dealing with the criticism and at times even ridicule of other teenagers is universal and (obviously) doesn't help.

But when you turn twenty, armed with battle scars from the past seven years of life, teenage seems like a piece of cake. The twenties are where the real problem lies.

You're too young to be an actual adult in anyone's eyes and too old to be a kid. It's the time where you forget about finding yourself and focus on finding a job or university with whom you'll be married to for the next seven years. Somewhere in the middle, you might also try to find a second wife/husband whom you will get married to forever. And now if you haven't figured yourself out, or you don't have a predilection towards something, or a developed thinking enough to take your own decisions, the twenties get pretty messy.

I say that the twenties screw us over because it's these ten years of our lives where we probably make every irrevocable decision. (I mean you can change it, but it's more convenient if you like your job and your partner or whatever you do for a living.) There's pressure from everywhere to get it right. We have people counting on us, money being invested in us, and our own life unrolling from the camera reel in our eyes with every decision we make. There's no way we can pick the other combination and see how our life would have turned out like. (At the same time, I do not think any combination would consist of purely happy experiences. But I like to think that every experience is a positive one. In fact, experiences with negative endings end up being the ones you grow from the most.)

We feel that our decisions are irrevocable.
We feel like we have to get everything right.
We feel like one wrong step and it is the end of the world.

but
(of course there's a but)

The beauty of the twenties is that you have the liberty to experience. You have the liberty to keep trying, failing, and wholly understand what works for you. You can change paths, you can go wrong, you can 'fall'. And then you can pick yourself up, think what is next, and begin smashing your goals again. You will feel the energy of people around you slowly seep into your body. (So choose the people you surround yourself with carefully.) Motivation, power, and passion - look for it, pass it on, and let it come back to you in a full circle.

I urge you to do exactly what you want, unapologetically. I ask you to take responsibility for what you are doing and what you are feeling. Know that every single day is a choice. And make the choice you want at every minute or hour of the day.

Don't know what you want? Don't know what you are doing?

That brings me to the second thing I think our twenties (and I could go so far to say even our lives) are about. If we're going to let ourselves go wild and experience everything we want to, here is the leash that will keep us on track: our aim needs to be getting clarity.

I don't remember where I read this, but there's a saying that talks about having an idea of a destination you want to reach. This is important, because if we do not, wherever we reach becomes the destination. Set-backs will only pave way for new opportunities or stop us from reaching a place we are probably not ready for yet. So what is important is to keep checking how our current actions help us reach our destination, or at least better understand what our destination is! Get clarity on this, and automatically you will know where you are headed and how to get there. The more places to go, the merrier ^_^

Honestly guys, just trust the timing of your life. You have to keep going. Sleep for a decent amount of time. Switch up your routine to include things that refresh you like going for a walk, or playing an instrument. Just have faith in yourself and be confident about your abilities.

Because I guess the twenties do not screw us over. That is something we do to ourselves.

Do you complain or do you conquer?
Do you woe or grow?
Do you over things stress over or do you become the girl on fire?

You decide.

Kanksha
This girl is on fireee.

The Elephanta

Fun facts about the Elephanta:

1. On opening a dabba of watermelon, monkeys will come forward with hands wide open, expecting you to give it to them. (It was adorable how they didn't snatch it)

2. For the first time in your life, you may reach somewhere quicker than a train can.

Okay but jokes apart, it's not bad at all. 

I went there on 2nd April 2017 with my parents and it was A LOT of fun. The monkey experience was unforgettable and I managed to tick off sitting-on-a-toy-train-without-breaking-it from my bucket list.

We took the first ferry and were accompanied by sea gulls almost throughout the journey, flying alongside with their black and white beaks. I loved the sea, and looking at the boats reminded me that there's this entire world living on water that we don't even know about.

On reaching the island in about 55 minutes, we began walking up the steps. For some reason we thought there were 1000, lucky for us that they got done in about 150 so we barely even felt the climb. On both sides were restaurants and small shops with souvenirs, tempting the travelers to buy something. (THEY HAVE MALL PRICES, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED)

The entry free wasn't much for us and we had finally reached the heart of the caves.

On reaching there, please take a guide, otherwise they'll just be meaningless stone carvings to you. He'll explain the meaning behind the caves, you'll observe the delicate details. For instance, the mustache and serpents will give you a hint that the person is 'bad' and Parvati has a specific kind of necklace. Most of the carvings are of Lord Shiv, Parvati or their sons.

The most amusing story to me was the Origin of Honeymoon. Apparently, Parvati's mama (mother's brother) was the moon and when Shiv and Parvati were getting married, decided to give honey so that only sweet things would be said. Hence honey + moon = honeymoon. The guide claims that this is where the Britishers got that term from.

As we got out, we decided to go to Cannon hill whose trail comes on your right once you've climbed the 150 steps. This was my favourite part as I enjoy trekking and being with nature in silence. My sister, a bird enthusiast, helped us spot a few birds and even knew their names which I think is really cool. Dad was clicking pictures and mom kept spotting different plants and trees. The view from above was stunning and the angle of visibility gives you an idea of why there are two cannons in the first place. We also saw the dome of BARC (is that a big deal?)

With some Maaza to soothe our throats alongwith actual mangoes and cucumber - you cannot miss cucumber with the 'masala' - we walked down and took the toy train instead of walking in the sweltering heat.

The ferry back home was slower because we were going against the wind but I think I fell asleep in the middle. After lunch in Kailash Parbat at Colaba and some tasty lassi, home was the destination.

You should definitely go there once!
Kanksha <3