Stuck

Growth is hard. Set-backs are harder. But being stuck is the worst. And right now? I am stuck.

I am stuck on Chapter 20 of my book. I am stuck with understanding how to implement a part of my algorithm since a week and have no progress to show in my report due right now. I do not know which sub-domain I want to pick for my final year project. And I am stuck with setting up a technical blog on GitHub. 

I cannot easily touch my toes without bending my knees. The terrace generally peaceful is attacked by crows 'cawing' from all sides until darkness overtakes the city. The stars then, are hidden by the clouds, making a mopey-me even gloomier. 

There are a lot of sweet things in my life. I eat chocolate every day, followed by mithai and some more chocolate. Mango Ras for lunch, and cut mangoes after dinner is no longer a luxury, but has become routine. My sister stays at home glued to amazon prime, and my grandmother has turned into a social diva, making up for both, my sister and my own hibernation.

But this is me getting carried away by a couple of bad days. 

I attempted to start writing again, after such a long break. I have not yet given up and am constantly trying to find out how to implement my algorithm. I figured out the domain of my final year project, and have written the first post and created a base for the blog, inspite of not having put it together.

I went from not being able to touch my toes at all a week ago, to slamming my fingers-to-knuckles portion on the floor today. The rain and drizzle makes up for the clouds, putting a rest to the sweltering heat. The smell of mud is invigorating.

Nights out with friends lead to sweet times. Monopoly deal leads to playful fights. And time spent with family playing cards and sequence is always time well spent. With so many loved ones, there are always birthdays to celebrate, and cake to be eaten. 

So yes, being stuck sucks. But being unable to get over being stuck and letting yourself loose sucks even more. I'm putting an end to this bad day. Taking one down, running by the sea just to turn it around. Everyone knows. Sometimes you lie. But you work at a smile and go for a ride. You had a bad day....

Have a great day :)

Kanksha

P.S.: Check out Daniel Powter's "Bad Day". I love the video.

Getting Carried Away

I am twenty. And that is definitely not old. But compared to fourteen year olds on Instagram posting their #ootd (outfit of the day) or "Message me an X and I'll post my favourite photo of you (Max 15 people only)" I feel like a generation apart. These are the new teen things 15 only??? And I fail to understand how they manage to live in that world of Instagram and Snapchat, posting videos of what they're doing live, without really enjoying the moment. At the same time, I try to tell myself that's probably how they enjoy the moment. I hope they're consciously doing what they are, and it's actually what they want. It's important to not get swayed away by the idea of being an internet phenomenon.

But the new generation disappoints me. (And the "New Generation" includes my own generation as well.) My sister's class mates and seniors were willing to spend 3,500 rupees to get a farewell book made for the principal since she was leaving school. 3.5 thousand - and that's my monthly pocket money! Jokes apart, the only reason they were okay doing that was because that's what they do with their projects as well - classic example of letting bad habits extend to things that could be tackled differently. 8th and 9th graders paying other people to do their projects because it looks more professional is depressing. My sister took it upon herself to make it and got the papers binded in about 300.

You might wonder how these students survive in the real world. And the thing is, they don't. I am now in my fourth year of Engineering, studying Computer Science. We have a compulsory project and have to write a thesis by the end of both semesters. It is a great learning opportunity for everyone. And I couldn't believe it when this message popped up in my college WhatsApp group.

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised.

I was stressed to finalise a topic too, but I was so much more excited. You have a whole year to work on something that you want to, with 5 day weeks instead of 6 because the University is nice enough to give you a day off to work - there is so much you can do with that time! And to think that people even consider getting their projects done by people externally makes me sad.

So here's a request to this sea of people who have no idea what they're doing, to those people so consumed by social media and I've been-there-done-that for both cases, or to everyone just procrastinating and letting their thoughts carry them away to a dark or unknown place; please keep yourself busy and do things with the knowledge of your motivation behind it. And if you don't know the answer to why, keep trying till you find things you actually enjoy.

Dance with your friends without caring about whether you look cool or not. Go to your terrace and look at how stunning nature looks at its wildest, blaring electricity in crazy amounts. Refresh, recharge. And then stop whatever you don't want to do. Start trying to find the best way out of things.

My tenth grade english teacher kept stressing on the win-win approach. Find out how you can all win in any situation because winning is so much fun. You don't want to do the project? That's cool. But you've got to do it. So might as well find something you enjoy, and club it with computer science so it becomes enjoyable. Make sure you're solving a problem, that it involves things you are good at and something you enjoy. With these three in place, you're good to go.

We all get carried away. Sometimes it is our emotions, sometimes money or competition. It can be the hunger for something, or the abundance of it. But when we do, it's nice to stop and think about the impact it can have in life before-hand. I guess we need to live in the moment and get carried away, but not too much.

Kanksha :)