Day 31

It’s day 31 of being in the gym from the last 81 days. I had decided that this was it, and I had to get stronger whether I liked it or not for all the things I dream of being able to do. So even though it’s boring, and even though I’m clueless, and I hated it along with the idea of being trapped in a room full of well built sweaty people going all out in their effort…. it had to be done. 

It took 31 days to begin to like it. Because I entered the gym today and I was mildly excited. I think I like the gym because of the pauses it allows me to take. With running and cycling it’s more about getting into a flow state, not thinking, and continuing without stopping. But with lifting weights, I get to stop after every set and it is in fact encouraged!! So cool. 

And I really like how the pauses allow my thoughts to wander. You get to look into space and just think. Or not think if you’re too tired to. Or even scroll instagram but thankfully I don’t do that yet. 

I don’t think I’ve got much stronger yet. I don’t push myself the way I see others - friends and strangers - push themselves. But my muscles do feel tired. The goal here is consistency first, and the assumption is that progress will show itself. So we are being patient and giving it time. 

I feel like the whole of December to myself without many friends around was good for me. I got time to visualize how I wanted my life to be. Which habits I wanted to create. Feeling more motivated to work hard this year. At work, on my fitness, on seeing more sunrises, on learning new things and learning them well. 

But more than anything else, just genuinely want each day to be a good day. And I guess a good day isn’t necessarily when everything good happens. It’s when you find something to smile about irrespective. Your car broke down? At least a friend came to help. Didn’t feel like getting out of bed? At least you watched the sun set. 

I feel that it’s so easy to forget all the things in our control that make any day better, and it’s somehow difficult to actually do those things when you’re feeling glum. Usually my advice to anyone who tells me they are going through a hard time is to make sure they do something they enjoy, everyday, even if it’s just for 10 mins in a day. But I think it’s just good practice to do that anyway. That way it’s easier to keep up with it on the harder ones :) 

Lots of loveeeee. 

to each day being a ‘good’ day and more days at the gym this year 

Kanksha 

PS: ofc I wrote this in the breaks I took at the gym

take what you like, make it your own

I used to envy people who could write long, meaningful, and complex sentences. The writing felt so... clever. And I'm pretty sure there was a time in my life that I tried to mimic that exact style. It never came out right. 

In my teenage years, the girls who could wear a high pony tail looked cool. Skinny jeans were in fashion. Along with low waisted pants, shiny party dresses, and tank tops. I tried to fit in, but after all these years, I don't own any of the above anymore.

I'm glad to have built a sense of style as I grew up. With my mom caring about the latest trends getting home magazines for inspiration and ever willing to try out different stuff, to my sister approaching it textbook style from the perspective of colour theory and what flatters different body types, I borrowed different ideologies and now have my own. 

I dress like my mother, and my sister, and the girl on the subway who had this amazing bag, and the woman at work who has the same hair that I do. 

I don't know where my writing style is borrowed from, but I write the exact way that I would talk. And the way that I talk is ever influenced by the people around me. So perhaps my writing is a culmination of everyone I have ever spoken to all my life. 

We take what we like from different people, and make it our own. And doing anything a particular person's way is never going to feel absolutely right for oneself - we need to keep exploring until we settle on what feels right to us - for every. single. thing. that we do. And do that on repeat.

I think that pretty much sums up the entire human experience. :P

Love,

Kanksha