Sab khatam ho raha hai

Vivas are dreadful. You wait long hours for the external to get there, are stressed because you have no idea what the external will ask you, and study till the last minute as you collect questions from people who get done before you. There are chains of questions updated on the group that everyone studies from, and question chains from seniors (a year ago) are passed on as well.

I remember one particular viva where my batch was the last one left sometime in my second year. SV was kicking the staircase because he had lost the plot. RV was completely stressed and just wanted it to be over. We can fast forward to the three of us going to Starbucks when the external decided to take a break in the afternoon... and when DV stayed at college for reasons I yet do not know, but was calm.
But the one thing we all wanted to do, was GET DONE AND GO HOME.

The smart board was placed here today

Get done and go home. This has been the motto for almost every day in college. Get done with the lectures and go home. Get done with the exam and go home. Skip lectures or come late to them. And suddenly, when everything is ending, things change. You want to actually go to college and attend lectures. You want to stay there longer. You want to sit outside under the big fancy umbrella where there are uncomfortable chairs because you have never done that before. You want to go out and chill, and stay in class and chill. And don't get me started on how you want to experience the smart board that they just bought.



Life is not a work of fiction, but if it was, the first book of my series would end here. I have not felt an 'ending' so strongly before. Leaving the country in three months can make you feel that way.

Sab khatam ho raha hai (it is the end), and suddenly you care about all these little things.

I never thought I would miss people from my college as much as I know I will now. The past six months have made me develop even stronger bonds with people, people I wish I had spoken to even sooner! I've had one of the most fun afternoon laughing at memes at the awards show we had. Identifying old external teachers, the easy way people make fun of each other and take it in their stride, the feeling of not caring and being yourself because these people are your people are moments I will cherish.

the day of the awards WE LOOK SO HAPPY

I'm going to miss my sister making dessert randomly whenever she feels like it. I'm going to miss sitting and chilling at the dining table with my family, and our daily TV show + movie nights. The food, the space, the work that people do for me at home behind the scenes that I don't even realise and probably have never even expressed my gratitude for - everything.

And I could continue by talking about my friends from school who have been there seven years now and are practically family. But I don't want to think about how much I will miss them, and how things are coming to an end. It just makes me sad, and feel emotions I do not want to process. To think I won't be traveling in these trains anymore, that I won't have to care about getting a rickshaw at 5:30pm, or could just (literally) go for a run and show up under a friend's house.... Not nice.

But thinking about all of this brings me to what I said before: Sab khatam ho raha hai, and suddenly you care about all these little things. Your behaviour changes, the way you look at the time remaining in your life at your current location changes. You express how you feel people you care about if you did not already. You start figuring out what is important for you to do before you leave. Every moment becomes important. There are tons of things, and so little time.

But what we don't normally realise is that this is life. There are tons of things we want to do IN LIFE, and we have SO LITTLE TIME. And this mini (sort-of) ending helps me actually understand that. 

Live every day like it is your last hits home now. And I hope this post helps you understand the same.

Sigh.

The person I am, I like to think about it as the beginning of something new and exciting. I try to tell myself that while the people and places and things I will miss are extremely special to me, I will find new people, places, and things to miss wherever I go that will to some level parallel everything old. There's mostly positivity, lots of unanswered questions, and prospect for things to happen - both good and bad. So although you have no idea what will happen, you know you have to say your goodbyes and embark on a journey.

And you really really really want to come back.

Kanksha :)