take what you like, make it your own

I used to envy people who could write long, meaningful, and complex sentences. The writing felt so... clever. And I'm pretty sure there was a time in my life that I tried to mimic that exact style. It never came out right. 

In my teenage years, the girls who could wear a high pony tail looked cool. Skinny jeans were in fashion. Along with low waisted pants, shiny party dresses, and tank tops. I tried to fit in, but after all these years, I don't own any of the above anymore.

I'm glad to have built a sense of style as I grew up. With my mom caring about the latest trends getting home magazines for inspiration and ever willing to try out different stuff, to my sister approaching it textbook style from the perspective of colour theory and what flatters different body types, I borrowed different ideologies and now have my own. 

I dress like my mother, and my sister, and the girl on the subway who had this amazing bag, and the woman at work who has the same hair that I do. 

I don't know where my writing style is borrowed from, but I write the exact way that I would talk. And the way that I talk is ever influenced by the people around me. So perhaps my writing is a culmination of everyone I have ever spoken to all my life. 

We take what we like from different people, and make it our own. And doing anything a particular person's way is never going to feel absolutely right for oneself - we need to keep exploring until we settle on what feels right to us - for every. single. thing. that we do. And do that on repeat.

I think that pretty much sums up the entire human experience. :P

Love,

Kanksha

stayed the same

Being in the same place at a different time of my life has been an interesting experience for me. As I take the train, I find myself remembering the same music I used to listen to. I plugged in the charger in my room at night, and found myself standing against the bookshelf remembering all the times I've texted people from there at midnight when my battery was about to drain out. I sat on the step in my room, because the bed with the back rest is too far to connect to the wifi, and smiled to myself at how some things just don't change. 

Yet so many things do. My sister isn't at home anymore and I have seen her twice in the 15 days I have been here so far, and I hopefully will see her at least two more times. I sleep in my grandmom's room without my grandmom, so now it's technically my room, but it feels weird, and my own old room is still the only one that feels like mine. I don't know where stuff is kept in the house anymore. 

There is construction on the road, and so much dust because of it. Friends are actually getting married. Yet besides the weddings, things aren't really the same. Parents are growing older. I have dentist visits and doctor visits that are a priority - signs of me growing older too. 

Everyone and everything is growing and changing. 

And in this constant change, I feel grateful for the little things that have stayed the same - healthy and yummy food ready everyday, reminders to invest my money, a passion for wearing good clothes. And grateful for the people with whom relationships have stayed the same. They make me feel grounded and provide a sense of comfort and home that nothing else can ♥

Love,
Kanksha