The subtle art of helping and being helped

A friend of mine was recently discussing with me about how her boyfriend kept treating and helping a guy all four years of University but that guy never treated him back. And I'm not a huge fan of that guy, so I easily agreed that something was fishy and conversation moved on.

I went back home, and narrated the events of the day to my mom as I usually do, and I brought this up as well when she reminded me that it would have been wrong for her (my friend's) boyfriend to expect anything in return anyway. Because help should be given without any expectation in return. And I realised that I had somewhere forgotten this.

That is why helping is so difficult. When you help someone, you get the feel-good-feeling and satisfaction from doing something good. You don't sign a contract telling the other person to help you in return. You don't feel wronged when the other person doesn't take that initiative for you when you need it. Because the minute you do that, all the goodwill, and all the happiness that you received when you lent a hand is destroyed immediately when you don't get something in return.

At the same time, it's also necessary to ensure that you remain grateful to the person who helped you. Remember what each person has done for you, thank them, and tell them explicitly that you appreciate it. This makes the person feel good, and more motivated to pass it on to others.

I have always found good people. People willing to teach me. People willing to share. People who'll at some level go out of the way and help me out. I could say that I am blessed and lucky. But I have also had people in my life who do not share or even care. They think they are entitled and have no gratitude for what you do. Or they just don't realise the amount of effort you're putting, at times also because you don't mention it. At these times, it's important for me to tell myself to not get bogged down by them and remember the former set of people. Because there are honestly so many people who are good.

When I was living in the USA and my sister Disha was just born in November, it was too cold to take her out of the house, even if it was just to pick me up from school. When my mother did so since she had no option, my sister got pneumonia. At that time there was a girl called Cathy who stayed in the same building, whom we didn't even know went to the same school. Her mother offered to get me home every day. I remember comparing how the Indian style of saying tables was different from the American and her mother telling me she took ages to brush her teeth every night. Once Disha was okay, my mother took over once again. When we left the country a few months later, we tried to send a gift to her but couldn't find them. To my six year old self, they were angels sent just for us.

Imagine the entire world following this principle - people helping out of pure selflessness and forgetting about it once it's over. People being touched by these people getting inspired to do the same. And the world passing on random (or even not so random) acts of kindness.

I think this place would be a wonderful one to live in.

Thanks for reading,
Kanksha :)