Why can't men take a no?

DISCLAIMER: This post is targeted at men because what I am going to talk about (spam texting in hope of a reply which comes off as super creepy and which is completely uncalled for) is something that I am aware most women have faced at some point in their life. From what I know, men do not go through the same. I may be wrong.

A friend of mine from school had told me two years ago that he knew that a girl from my class was dating a guy from his class. And I found that very surprising for reasons I will not get into, but never asked the girl about it to respect her privacy. Fast forward to her and me sitting in the car on our way to Lonavala, and I couldn't help but ask her about it. She denied that she even knew anyone from my friend's university. This did not make sense, since I knew neither of them was lying. Since that day, she kept reminding me from time to time to ask my school friend who the mystery guy was.

And just a few days ago, I did. Turns out she was not dating him at all, and mystery guy in fact was a creep who has been sending her a 'hi' since the past few years, but the conversation never goes beyond that. My girl friend proceeded to send me screenshots, and expressed her disbelief at how a person could make such a claim. My guy friend was shocked because he thought he knew that person, and thought mystery guy was a decent guy.

How can educated people keep spamming girls? Is it so difficult to understand that the lack of response means a no? Do they have no respect for what the girl wants? And do they have no respect for themselves?

I have had a guy who kept messaging me from 2013 to 2016 every once in 3-4 months. I never responded to anything except the Happy Birthday message, and that is because not saying thank you felt a little rude. In hindsight, I should have probably blocked him, just as my girl friend should have blocked (now not) mystery guy instead of tolerating the messages. But we did not, not wanting to be rude, and tried to explain through hints. Now I understand that blocking them is not rude, but sometimes necessary. Fun fact: A friend of mine told me that the guy who used to text me currently has a couple of patents and papers in his name. Clearly, he has the ability to think. Where does the thinking go otherwise?

So here's a request to all the guys out there. If you are reading this, I hope you understand that a lack of response means that she does not want to talk to you. If she does not give you the time of the day, that means she does not want to interact with you. If she says no when you ask her out once, twice, or even thrice, she does not want to be with you. No means no.

People need to start taking our no seriously and in a healthy way. Rejection is something that most of us go through at different phases of life. Maybe a person rejected you, maybe a university, maybe a company. But the ability to respect the decision of who rejected you, and working on yourself to become an overall better person is an art. 

If a person rejected you, go follow life and relationship coaches on Instagram. They'll teach you how to have healthy boundaries, get better focus, and make every other part of your life so meaningful that you'll find someone even more right for you eventually like magic. If a company rejected you, begin working even harder, and once you have made the change, apply again to a bunch of places, or perhaps build a company yourself. Additionally, you need to understand that people rarely reject you because you are you. They reject you because they are looking for something and that something is not you. That does not mean you need to change yourself to fit a description. You need to find the place where you fit naturally, where you are wanted, and only then will you definitely feel like you belong. 

Please, to all men around the world (and women too), learn to deal with rejection. Learn how to take a no. Do the inner work. Do work towards getting better work. Respect the decisions of the decision makers and do not let it affect you long term in any other way than doing better. (You can feel sad for a while, that's only human.) Also, have respect for yourself, and do not chase people or things-who-do-not-want-you the same way you want them. 

The next time you text a girl 'hi' and she doesn't reply, for once please say goodbye.

If you have been texting a girl 'hi' and she has not been replying, for once please say goodbye. 

Thanks,

Kanksha

P.S. While the blog post does not answer the question in the title, I would love to know if someone can tell me what it is.