I feel more excited these days. More energetic, more like myself. I feel like I'm taking things personally less, because I'm more confident in who I am. I feel prettier, which is such a weird thing to feel.
I feel less alone. I feel like the possibilities are endless. This city is so empowering and inviting for people to explore, I am beginning to realize what all it has to offer (thanks to my sister). All that one needs to do is go outside. Take a walk. No cash needed either. Stare at the clouds moving fast. Look at the eccentric buildings. Watch people wearing the most interesting clothes. Sit at the subway and listen to people play peaceful music. Put your hand in the middle and feel exhilarated as you stop the train. Sit at the park and read a book. Walk into a museum. Apply for a lottery and watch a play on Broadway and magic will be before your eyes.
So much to do. I can do things with a friend, I can have adventures myself. I can compliment a stranger, and get complimented myself. What a wonderful place to be in.
I'm feeling great today. That's really not how I feel everyday. But I'm writing this as a reminder to myself that it is possible to feel this way. To feel joy, excitement, anticipation, with diminishing anxiety and stress. Even if it's only for a little while.
To future Kanksha, better days will come and go. Just live this life doing what you want, keep communicating what you want honestly to everyone, and do atleast one thing that makes you smile everyday.
To whoever is reading this, I wish you these kind of days more than the other kind <3
Love,
Kanksha
You've indeed caught a glimpse of what it means to smile with the heart and not just rearrange the muscles in the face! Smile with the heart consistently and the rigid sense of self grows and envelopes every being, without exceptions, with unconditional love, expecting nothing in return. Following this insight, the feeling of loneliness ceases, as the emotions that constitute loneliness are also conditioned and impermanent, similar to everything else. Truly, no one is ever alone; but this insight may take time to develop. Sometimes, it begins with compassion towards a pigeon that's as disturbed as you due to subtle distortions in the radio waves, yet unable to express its suffering. Moments later, you witness the process of your breath and the pigeon's fluttering wings animated by pure Spirit, flux, or God (or whatever), soaring into the sky, into Nothingness, an experience that words cannot fully capture. For some, this realization takes moments; for others, lifetimes; to comprehend that neither am I special nor separate, what I choose to do in this very moment, right where I am, can steer the course of humanity either towards betterment or deterioration and this is a choice every human holds, including you. When this realization becomes a permanent feature, a deep and profound happiness becomes accessibile, irrespective of space, time, joy, pain, pleasure, sadness, sorrow, anger, anxiety, disappointment, excitement and all other conditions that arise, peak and pass. That's just the nature of human existence. You will get there eventually, so be patient and keep it up! :)
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