Drank too much?? Go away.

So I found myself in a situation that I have not been in before. My roommate had gone out to party with her friends. At some point, friend1 was passing out due to drinking much more than she should have. My roommate had given her keys to friend2 for safekeeping. I was at home with another roommate finishing my assignments and about to sleep when friend3 (who has taken keys from friend2) comes into the apartment with three more people with the girl who is passing out.

I can imagine the friend suffixes are getting confusing to keep up with. But basically what followed is my roommate not knowing about what is happening back at home, and that girl puking multiple times on my roommate's bed. While this may be a semi-normal occurrence for people who drink, it isn't for me. So to everyone who is reading this post, here's a request.

I'd recommend not drinking irresponsibly because I don't understand what you gain out of it. But if you are drinking irresponsibly, please do it with a set of people who know they are supposed to take care of you. I just went into the other room and slept, but my roommate and friend3 spent all night cleaning, scrubbing, and trying to get the mess out of the way. It is disgusting for the person who has to clean up after you, it is yucky to watch, and gives a sense of helplessness because you clearly are not in control of yourself.



Also, take the person who is passing out to THEIR house. Put the Uber money on the drunk person if that's what it takes.

Secondly, we've learned this the hard way now, but keep your keys with you at all times. You may give it to someone, who will use it correctly/incorrectly depending on their judgment. Ideally, they should not use it at all. But when your keys are with you and you only, at least you yourself are accountable for whatever happens and can take the call.

Lastly, be aware that you can always say no. I should have just said NO to the people who came into our house because I was uncomfortable with what was happening. I could have dealt with an angry roommate later if that was the case, but if I felt that someone was violating my space and boundaries in my own house, I had the right to say no. And I realised that too late.



It feels like a stupid thing to be so affected by, but again it is not. Anyone who knows me knows about my inhibitions with alcohol and how I am hesitant with anything about it. I've been thinking about the entire situation since last night. I feel like it was ridiculous for the girl to drink so much in the first place when she is alone in a new country. I feel like my roommate should not have given her keys to someone else. I felt torn between wanting to make sure the girl who drank was okay + helping my roommate, and not caring and allowing whoever got her there to take care of the girl and the mess - because clearly none of this is my responsibility. I felt troubled in the morning when I realised that the girl got up in the middle of the night, and went in my room from the hall, and slept on my bed, because there was always the possibility that she could have puked again. But most of all, what I feel worst about, is that I did not realise in time, that it was in my control to say no. To ask them to take that girl into the lounge, irrespective of whether they had my roommate's permission to bring her home.

If you are a part of this story and feel offended by my having written this blog post, I hope you understand why. I hope I have given anonymity to people and still managed to say what I wanted to. I just want to let it go and move on from it.

Aditi had sent this toilet sticker to me for my birthday. Forever trying and learning how to LET (SH)IT GO.

While this post delineates how it feels to be an onlooker, my aim to write this is also to tell people that there's almost always a part of the situation that is in your control. And what's important for us is to recognise that in time.

Kanksha

PS. Sorry ma, pa, you guys had to find out from the blog post. But don't worry, it's all good now. 

What makes our similar lives different?

I saw this kid while I was on my way home. His dad was letting him do whatever he wanted. The kid was this ball of energy, literally, climbing on top of rocks his size, and jumping off them as he ran ahead to finish his (imaginary) obstacle course. Trust me, the happiness when he'd skip over a stone, or when he stopped running at the "finish line" made me smile a big smile. It was 7pm, and this kid was having the time of his life with the world inside his head.

on my way home (no kid here though)

On my way to class about three weeks ago, Shreeshaa wasn't walking with me for once because she had to go talk to a company. I was walking the same road that I walk every day, but it was the first time being alone and not having to use Google maps. It was time to see, listen, and take in my surroundings. A lot of how I see the world today comes from how my family sees it. While we'll be in a car, my mom may point out flowering trees, and Dish casually mention how she saw "insert-name-here" bird. (I'm positive that the bird names she dishes out are random, but she claims otherwise.) What would I be looking at if everyone was here with me and we were just walking around? I thought to myself. And then I saw the grass which was full of dew. I heard birds chirping. I looked at the sky that was so clear, it looked fake. The trees began to look prettier, and that walk overall became so much nicer than just another walk.

Our lives really get transformed by the people we surround ourselves with. In the last post, I asked a question about what makes our lives different when we share so many similar/overlapping experiences. There are two parts to that answer:

1. You, your thoughts, and your head.
2. The people you allow in your inner circle.

You control your thoughts. You control how you feel. And you must feel completely in power to do whatever makes you feel great. When I look back and think about the kid, I think about how he was so free in doing what he wanted. He didn't care about what anyone else was doing and just did what he wanted in his own space. Secondly, his head provided space for him to be imaginative and creative. It wasn't a place of stress, worry, or sadness from past experiences - a pattern I hear about from my friends. And in some sense the only way to have a good headspace is to remember that everything is temporary. So if you are feeling low, it will get over. And at a high point, cherish it till it lasts. Find ways to enjoy the present, whatever it brings to you. How well you can do this, is the first thing that will make you experience life differently.

The people you allow in your circle are equally important. I am very lucky to be surrounded by (mostly) sensible people who are rooting for me. I am very lucky to be surrounded by people who care. I can rely on them to give me the right advice. The people I associate myself with are also to some level people like me. I become more like them as I pick things up from them - habits, words, way of living. The people I am surrounded by are mostly looking at the world with a sparkle in their eyes excited for what life has to offer, grateful for what they have, and constantly looking at the good in human beings. (of course sometimes this isn't true, but we constantly inspire each other be this way) They are able to express and communicate how they feel. And if I publish a book today, they will be the first ones to buy it (over asking for a free copy). We need supportive people like that. We need people who share similar values. And we need people who make us want to grow and become better versions of ourselves. 

I hope we all keep finding more and more people who make us smile, think, and reflect. 

I hope we keep growing and becoming better versions of ourselves.

Lots of love,

Kanksha <3

31 bananas in the house

I have so many blog posts that I want to write. They're all small ideas, or just thoughts pinned down. And I was trying to integrate everything into one post. But they either didn't mesh together, or the post would get too long. So I've decided that I'll do shorter posts, with individual ideas. I don't really know how it will work. But here goes.

Do you guys remember those math problems where a man or woman bought 20+ watermelons and we thought that was ridiculous? It probably was, but I just found out that having 31 bananas in your house is borderline normal. Ananya got 12, Shreeshaa dared to get 7, I had experimented with 6 before so 8 felt doable, and Manushi graced us with 4 more. The fruit basket was already overflowing, and now the entire island has bananas in marked plastic recyclable bags.

making this was fun

We also got a lot of pie. It is between Shreeshaa and me, and what better way of making use of your time than making a pie chart with pie?

yes I have pretty stationery

Not to mention the bunch of extra dhokla and gulab jaamun (among other things) from Navratri which we finished in half a day.

we wish we got back more food

And three of us made the same pasta today. This is funny because we made it separately at the very same time. (Read more on our different eating habits here.)

mine is bottom left

I find it very amusing that we have so much food. Our cupboards are full, the fridge is full. We enjoy grocery shopping and stocking up and looking at the completely filled cupboard - I know at least I do. Then finally we reach a point where we realise that the food is going bad, because of which we try to finish it off, and end up having to go buy even more food. Get hungry. Buy food. Make food. Eat food. Food goes bad. Finish food fast. Get hungry and buy more food because you had to finish the food you had bought quicker than you thought. Thus the cycle repeats.

In fact everything in life is a cycle (I am so sure I have said this before in some or the other post). You wake up, eat food, get ready, go to school/work to have a better life, eat some more food, and sleep. You go to a career fair, tell a different recruiter the same story, and move around the basketball stadium where your fair is held once more to repeat the same. There are people before you who have done the same. Some of them are probably changing jobs now. There are people after us who will do the same and maybe we will be changing jobs then. And because of so many of these common cycles, large parts of our lives are similar and relatable.

A bunch of people my age would have gone away from home. Gone away from home or not, at this age everyone wants to grow professionally. And everyone is definitely growing personally too. Most of us have overall similar feelings and experiences - irrespective of how much we express them. We all feel happy about the same things. We all have overlapping problems. We miss our families. There are times when we feel low. There is the birthday stress every once a year. There is pain and sweetness from remembering a person you don't talk to anymore. There is music we enjoy. And there's joy when your roommate makes you lunch without telling you when you are tired.

We all have stuff that we can "max relate" to. All those memes that have 1000s of likes on Instagram is just an example. So sometimes the repetitive pattern of ordinary life makes me wonder what is different in our lives?

Love,
Kanksha

P.S. yeah this was mainly to show off how creative I am with creating visualisations of data in real life. My Data and Visual Analytics professor should be proud of me. The philosophical life part of the blog post was just a natural extension. I don't know how my brain works. If you're still reading this, I hope you have a great day. To those who didn't get till here, I hope you have a great day too. <3