So I found myself in a situation that I have not been in before. My roommate had gone out to party with her friends. At some point, friend1 was passing out due to drinking much more than she should have. My roommate had given her keys to friend2 for safekeeping. I was at home with another roommate finishing my assignments and about to sleep when friend3 (who has taken keys from friend2) comes into the apartment with three more people with the girl who is passing out.
I can imagine the friend suffixes are getting confusing to keep up with. But basically what followed is my roommate not knowing about what is happening back at home, and that girl puking multiple times on my roommate's bed. While this may be a semi-normal occurrence for people who drink, it isn't for me. So to everyone who is reading this post, here's a request.
I'd recommend not drinking irresponsibly because I don't understand what you gain out of it. But if you are drinking irresponsibly, please do it with a set of people who know they are supposed to take care of you. I just went into the other room and slept, but my roommate and friend3 spent all night cleaning, scrubbing, and trying to get the mess out of the way. It is disgusting for the person who has to clean up after you, it is yucky to watch, and gives a sense of helplessness because you clearly are not in control of yourself.
Also, take the person who is passing out to THEIR house. Put the Uber money on the drunk person if that's what it takes.
Secondly, we've learned this the hard way now, but keep your keys with you at all times. You may give it to someone, who will use it correctly/incorrectly depending on their judgment. Ideally, they should not use it at all. But when your keys are with you and you only, at least you yourself are accountable for whatever happens and can take the call.
Lastly, be aware that you can always say no. I should have just said NO to the people who came into our house because I was uncomfortable with what was happening. I could have dealt with an angry roommate later if that was the case, but if I felt that someone was violating my space and boundaries in my own house, I had the right to say no. And I realised that too late.
It feels like a stupid thing to be so affected by, but again it is not. Anyone who knows me knows about my inhibitions with alcohol and how I am hesitant with anything about it. I've been thinking about the entire situation since last night. I feel like it was ridiculous for the girl to drink so much in the first place when she is alone in a new country. I feel like my roommate should not have given her keys to someone else. I felt torn between wanting to make sure the girl who drank was okay + helping my roommate, and not caring and allowing whoever got her there to take care of the girl and the mess - because clearly none of this is my responsibility. I felt troubled in the morning when I realised that the girl got up in the middle of the night, and went in my room from the hall, and slept on my bed, because there was always the possibility that she could have puked again. But most of all, what I feel worst about, is that I did not realise in time, that it was in my control to say no. To ask them to take that girl into the lounge, irrespective of whether they had my roommate's permission to bring her home.
If you are a part of this story and feel offended by my having written this blog post, I hope you understand why. I hope I have given anonymity to people and still managed to say what I wanted to. I just want to let it go and move on from it.
While this post delineates how it feels to be an onlooker, my aim to write this is also to tell people that there's almost always a part of the situation that is in your control. And what's important for us is to recognise that in time.
Kanksha
PS. Sorry ma, pa, you guys had to find out from the blog post. But don't worry, it's all good now.
I can imagine the friend suffixes are getting confusing to keep up with. But basically what followed is my roommate not knowing about what is happening back at home, and that girl puking multiple times on my roommate's bed. While this may be a semi-normal occurrence for people who drink, it isn't for me. So to everyone who is reading this post, here's a request.
I'd recommend not drinking irresponsibly because I don't understand what you gain out of it. But if you are drinking irresponsibly, please do it with a set of people who know they are supposed to take care of you. I just went into the other room and slept, but my roommate and friend3 spent all night cleaning, scrubbing, and trying to get the mess out of the way. It is disgusting for the person who has to clean up after you, it is yucky to watch, and gives a sense of helplessness because you clearly are not in control of yourself.
Also, take the person who is passing out to THEIR house. Put the Uber money on the drunk person if that's what it takes.
Secondly, we've learned this the hard way now, but keep your keys with you at all times. You may give it to someone, who will use it correctly/incorrectly depending on their judgment. Ideally, they should not use it at all. But when your keys are with you and you only, at least you yourself are accountable for whatever happens and can take the call.
Lastly, be aware that you can always say no. I should have just said NO to the people who came into our house because I was uncomfortable with what was happening. I could have dealt with an angry roommate later if that was the case, but if I felt that someone was violating my space and boundaries in my own house, I had the right to say no. And I realised that too late.
It feels like a stupid thing to be so affected by, but again it is not. Anyone who knows me knows about my inhibitions with alcohol and how I am hesitant with anything about it. I've been thinking about the entire situation since last night. I feel like it was ridiculous for the girl to drink so much in the first place when she is alone in a new country. I feel like my roommate should not have given her keys to someone else. I felt torn between wanting to make sure the girl who drank was okay + helping my roommate, and not caring and allowing whoever got her there to take care of the girl and the mess - because clearly none of this is my responsibility. I felt troubled in the morning when I realised that the girl got up in the middle of the night, and went in my room from the hall, and slept on my bed, because there was always the possibility that she could have puked again. But most of all, what I feel worst about, is that I did not realise in time, that it was in my control to say no. To ask them to take that girl into the lounge, irrespective of whether they had my roommate's permission to bring her home.
If you are a part of this story and feel offended by my having written this blog post, I hope you understand why. I hope I have given anonymity to people and still managed to say what I wanted to. I just want to let it go and move on from it.
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| Aditi had sent this toilet sticker to me for my birthday. Forever trying and learning how to LET (SH)IT GO. |
Kanksha
PS. Sorry ma, pa, you guys had to find out from the blog post. But don't worry, it's all good now.
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