I don't miss you.
I miss the person who found the most random excuses just to see me. I long for the person who told me to not feel low when I was sad, that I was terrific, and that they were proud of me. I choose to hold on to those words because they are better than the ones that told me that being friends was something they had been forcing themselves to do since months, and in reality now want nothing to do with me. It is still difficult to let go of the sweet conversations, vivid memories, and plans that we hoped would unfold.
But I have come to the conclusion that the only way to let go of the past is to hold on to it.
Hold on to that person. Hold on to the person who you felt so strongly about. Remember what that person used to do. Remember what that person used to say. If that person was here today, they would be telling you off about how you feel crappy about yourself. They would be devastated knowing what they knowingly or unknowingly did to you. The lack of communication about each other's wants and needs would kill them. Letting you go would not have been an option. Love, understanding, trust - it would all be there.
It was like the opposite of a rollercoaster. You both start from a high, and irrespective of how many lows you slowly drop down to, you rush back up and stay on top for a while. The end point is high up as well - you guys will always figure things out and be on good terms, and the knowledge that you will reach that place makes you feel safe and secure.
What we had seems like a rollercoaster now. We got back down and stayed there. In this life, where time is money, there isn't enough for another ride. There was leftover change for the bumper cars, but the more we tried to get close to each other, the more we got thrown apart in different directions.
I don't think I want to take any ride anymore.
I miss that person. But I do not miss you.
Holding on to that person is how I will let you go.
It is by remembering that in life, the opposite of a rollercoaster is what I want.
Kanksha ♥
I miss the person who found the most random excuses just to see me. I long for the person who told me to not feel low when I was sad, that I was terrific, and that they were proud of me. I choose to hold on to those words because they are better than the ones that told me that being friends was something they had been forcing themselves to do since months, and in reality now want nothing to do with me. It is still difficult to let go of the sweet conversations, vivid memories, and plans that we hoped would unfold.
But I have come to the conclusion that the only way to let go of the past is to hold on to it.
Hold on to that person. Hold on to the person who you felt so strongly about. Remember what that person used to do. Remember what that person used to say. If that person was here today, they would be telling you off about how you feel crappy about yourself. They would be devastated knowing what they knowingly or unknowingly did to you. The lack of communication about each other's wants and needs would kill them. Letting you go would not have been an option. Love, understanding, trust - it would all be there.
It was like the opposite of a rollercoaster. You both start from a high, and irrespective of how many lows you slowly drop down to, you rush back up and stay on top for a while. The end point is high up as well - you guys will always figure things out and be on good terms, and the knowledge that you will reach that place makes you feel safe and secure.
What we had seems like a rollercoaster now. We got back down and stayed there. In this life, where time is money, there isn't enough for another ride. There was leftover change for the bumper cars, but the more we tried to get close to each other, the more we got thrown apart in different directions.
I don't think I want to take any ride anymore.
I miss that person. But I do not miss you.
Holding on to that person is how I will let you go.
It is by remembering that in life, the opposite of a rollercoaster is what I want.
Kanksha ♥
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